Fyodor Dostoevsky

that, as I approached the Baroness, I felt as excited as a

schoolboy. I was in a frenzy, as though I were drunk.

VI

Two days have passed since that day of lunacy. What a noise and

a fuss and a chattering and an uproar there was! And what a

welter of unseemliness and disorder and stupidity and bad

manners! And I the cause of it all! Yet part of the scene was

also ridiculous--at all events to myself it was so. I am not

quite sure what was the matter with me--whether I was merely

stupefied or whether I purposely broke loose and ran amok.

At times my mind seems all confused; while at other times

I seem almost to be back in my childhood, at the school desk,

and to have done the deed simply out of mischief.

It all came of Polina--yes, of Polina. But for her, there might

never have been a fracas. Or perhaps I did the deed in a fit of

despair (though it may be foolish of me to think so)? What there

is so attractive about her I cannot think. Yet there IS

something attractive about her--something passing fair, it would

seem. Others besides myself she has driven to distraction. She

is tall and straight, and very slim. Her body looks as though it

could be tied into a knot, or bent double, like a cord. The

imprint of her foot is long and narrow. It is, a maddening

imprint--yes, simply a maddening one! And her hair has a reddish

tint about it, and her eyes are like cat's eyes--though able also

to glance with proud, disdainful mien. On the evening of my

first arrival, four months ago, I remember that she was sitting

and holding an animated conversation with De Griers in the

salon. And the way in which she looked at him was such that

later, when I retired to my own room upstairs, I kept fancying

that she had smitten him in the face--that she had smitten him

right on the cheek, so peculiar had been her look as she stood

confronting him. Ever since that evening I have loved her.

But to my tale.

I stepped from the path into the carriage-way, and took my stand

in the middle of it. There I awaited the Baron and the Baroness.

When they were but a few paces distant from me I took off my

hat, and bowed.

I remember that the Baroness was clad in a voluminous silk

dress, pale grey in colour, and adorned with flounces and a

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