Fyodor Dostoevsky

torn and bespattered, brimless and bent on one side in a most unseemly

fashion. Not shame, however, but quite another feeling akin to terror

had overtaken him.

"I knew it," he muttered in confusion, "I thought so! That's the worst

of all! Why, a stupid thing like this, the most trivial detail might

spoil the whole plan. Yes, my hat is too noticeable.... It looks absurd

and that makes it noticeable.... With my rags I ought to wear a cap, any

sort of old pancake, but not this grotesque thing. Nobody wears such

a hat, it would be noticed a mile off, it would be remembered.... What

matters is that people would remember it, and that would give them

a clue. For this business one should be as little conspicuous as

possible.... Trifles, trifles are what matter! Why, it's just such

trifles that always ruin everything...."

He had not far to go; he knew indeed how many steps it was from the gate

of his lodging house: exactly seven hundred and thirty. He had counted

them once when he had been lost in dreams. At the time he had put no

faith in those dreams and was only tantalising himself by their hideous

but daring recklessness. Now, a month later, he had begun to look upon

them differently, and, in spite of the monologues in which he jeered at

his own impotence and indecision, he had involuntarily come to regard

this "hideous" dream as an exploit to be attempted, although he

still did not realise this himself. He was positively going now for a

"rehearsal" of his project, and at every step his excitement grew more

and more violent.

With a sinking heart and a nervous tremor, he went up to a huge house

which on one side looked on to the canal, and on the other into the

street. This house was let out in tiny tenements and was inhabited by

working people of all kinds--tailors, locksmiths, cooks, Germans of

sorts, girls picking up a living as best they could, petty clerks, etc.

<<BackPagesChoose a page of the bookForward>>
 
 
Books by Fyodor Dostoevsky: