Fyodor Dostoevsky

of gratitude to it for keeping me dry. You laugh and say that in such

circumstances a hen-house is as good as a mansion. Yes, I answer, if one

had to live simply to keep out of the rain.

But what is to be done if I have taken it into my head that that is not the

only object in life, and that if one must live one had better live in a

mansion? That is my choice, my desire. You will only eradicate it when

you have changed my preference. Well, do change it, allure me with

something else, give me another ideal. But meanwhile I will not take a

hen-house for a mansion. The palace of crystal may be an idle dream, it

may be that it is inconsistent with the laws of nature and that I have

invented it only through my own stupidity, through the old-fashioned

irrational habits of my generation. But what does it matter to me that it is

inconsistent? That makes no difference since it exists in my desires, or

rather exists as long as my desires exist. Perhaps you are laughing again?

Laugh away; I will put up with any mockery rather than pretend that I am

satisfied when I am hungry. I know, anyway, that I will not be put off with

a compromise, with a recurring zero, simply because it is consistent with

the laws of nature and actually exists. I will not accept as the crown of my

desires a block of buildings with tenements for the poor on a lease of a

thousand years, and perhaps with a sign-board of a dentist hanging out.

Destroy my desires, eradicate my ideals, show me something better, and I

will follow you. You will say, perhaps, that it is not worth your trouble;

but in that case I can give you the same answer. We are discussing things

seriously; but if you won't deign to give me your attention, I will drop

your acquaintance. I can retreat into my underground hole.

But while I am alive and have desires I would rather my hand were

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