Fyodor Dostoevsky

the Villa Borghese on the shores of Lake Como, Lake Como being for

that purpose transferred to the neighbourhood of Rome; then would

come a scene in the bushes, and so on, and so on--as though you did not

know all about it? You will say that it is vulgar and contemptible to drag

all this into public after all the tears and transports which I have myself

confessed. But why is it contemptible? Can you imagine that I am

ashamed of it all, and that it was stupider than anything in your life,

gentlemen? And I can assure you that some of these fancies were by no

means badly composed .... It did not all happen on the shores of Lake

Como. And yet you are right--it really is vulgar and contemptible. And

most contemptible of all it is that now I am attempting to justify myself to

you. And even more contemptible than that is my making this remark

now. But that's enough, or there will be no end to it; each step will be

more contemptible than the last ....

I could never stand more than three months of dreaming at a time

without feeling an irresistible desire to plunge into society. To plunge

into society meant to visit my superior at the office, Anton Antonitch

Syetotchkin. He was the only permanent acquaintance I have had in my

life, and I wonder at the fact myself now. But I only went to see him when

that phase came over me, and when my dreams had reached such a point

of bliss that it became essential at once to embrace my fellows and all

mankind; and for that purpose I needed, at least, one human being,

actually existing. I had to call on Anton Antonitch, however, on

Tuesday--his at-home day; so I had always to time my passionate desire

to embrace humanity so that it might fall on a Tuesday.

This Anton Antonitch lived on the fourth storey in a house in Five

Corners, in four low-pitched rooms, one smaller than the other, of a

particularly frugal and sallow appearance. He had two daughters and

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