Fyodor Dostoevsky

"A girl like me?" she whispered, hardly audibly; but I heard it.

Damn it all, I was flattering her. That was horrid. But perhaps it was a

good thing .... She was silent.

"See, Liza, I will tell you about myself. If I had had a home from

childhood, I shouldn't be what I am now. I often think that. However bad

it may be at home, anyway they are your father and mother, and not

enemies, strangers. Once a year at least, they'll show their love of you.

Anyway, you know you are at home. I grew up without a home; and

perhaps that's why I've turned so ... unfeeling."

I waited again. "Perhaps she doesn't understand," I thought, "and,

indeed, it is absurd--it's moralising."

"If I were a father and had a daughter, I believe I should love my

daughter more than my sons, really," I began indirectly, as though talking

of something else, to distract her attention. I must confess I blushed.

"Why so?" she asked.

Ah! so she was listening!

"I don't know, Liza. I knew a father who was a stern, austere man, but

used to go down on his knees to his daughter, used to kiss her hands, her

feet, he couldn't make enough of her, really. When she danced at parties

he used to stand for five hours at a stretch, gazing at her. He was mad over

her: I understand that! She would fall asleep tired at night, and he would

wake to kiss her in her sleep and make the sign of the cross over her. He

would go about in a dirty old coat, he was stingy to everyone else, but

would spend his last penny for her, giving her expensive presents, and it

was his greatest delight when she was pleased with what he gave her.

Fathers always love their daughters more than the mothers do. Some girls

live happily at home! And I believe I should never let my daughters marry."

"What next?" she said, with a faint smile.

"I should be jealous, I really should. To think that she should kiss

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